Forgiveness

As often happens, I was in church to hear exactly what The Holy Spirit has been trying to make me understand: forgiveness. I am not a forgiving person. I am not proud of it, I just had to accept it today. It stems from my inability to feel forgiven. Say what? Well, it breaks down like this: regardless of the fact that all my sins, yes ALL, were forgiven when Jesus died on the cross, I still don't feel like that is enough. Now, since we humans tend to "weigh" sin, I can say that mine are not "large" or "inexcusable". Yet as sin often does, they press on me because satan knows if he can keep me feeling unforgiven, I won't be able to forgive others, my hurt, anger and wounds will fester, and I will be one miserable gurl more apt to sin than before. He is a jerk. 

 Sometimes I wonder as I pray for forgiveness for a past sin "one more time" if God is laughing or crying. Laughing at my simple mindedness or crying because He gave his son so that my sins would be forgiven and I could live in eternity with Him, and I clearly think my praying for forgiveness is what really tips the scales. I'd say tears are falling. When I realized today how ignorant I was about my own forgiveness, I had a hard time keeping the tears at bay. I am overwhelmed by God's grace and mercy, but in this moment more so by His forgiveness!

I would never have said I needed forgiveness, yet I was praying for it daily, and rarely covering the current day. Satan loves keeping us in the past, and not the warm fuzzy past... We are all born to sin. Sorry, but no matter how cute the pictures are, each of us is born a sinner. Thus, we will all have to fight to avoid sin and accept God's forgiveness when we do. What we can't do is wallow in it. Sin is sin for a reason. It costs us something. It always costs something. Some consequences are immediate and some take longer, but they are there. Don't allow satan to exacerbate the consequences by keeping you in the dark about your own forgiveness! 

 As ugly as sin is, it slides right off us in God's eyes. Once we believe we are saved for eternal life through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, we join a mighty fold. I only hope to successfully teach my children about forgiveness. It will change their lives!