mortal musings

As I get older, I find I can just close my eyes and experience a place in my past. Like the smells of the restaurant where I bar tended or the sound of heels clicking on the US Capitol marble floors. I am going back in time so often now, I wonder what that has to do with my future? I have too much life in front of me to be spending quiet moments in my past. I do find that the beautiful moments seem even more blissful than I remember them in actuality - the very breath in the little bodies of my children gives me indescribable joy - and the darkest instances seem a little lighter than they felt.

I have been in love with Jesus Christ since I was about 8 years old. I have been a fickle child, often turning an issue over to God only to snatch it back. I have knowingly taken the low road and have purposefully dodged the high road. I am a disappointment. I am a sinner. I am also a child of my Father. I am loved and cared for.

Our relationship has been ABSOLUTELY one sided, yet he still waits for me each night as I am getting into bed. We sit together and He speaks to my heart in a way that I do not understand, yet eagerly anticipate. I am so grateful for His mercy. No matter how underwhelming my life has been, I am given a new day to mark in His favor. I can not believe it has taken me 33 years to feel this truth. Of course, it took Jesus 33 years to complete His journey on this earth. Maybe mine is just beginning.

Bless my children. Bless my husband. Bless my family. Bless my friends. Bless my enemies. May God forgive me continually for this last group. I am charged with seeking their forgiveness until His breath leaves my body. May you all know if I were to depart the earth this second, I am ready. Alas, I am very human. I want as much time with my husband and precious babies as God will allow. But do not fret for me.

Now, I must get back to this business of life...